Tomorrow's the day of enlistment and this would probably be my final post even though I've said that a couple of times before. haha

I'm quite looking forward to life as a baldy actually! I really hope the sergeants there would be as fucked up as everyone described because I want them to mess with my mind so badly that I'll throw this always laughing, smiling, childish exterior behind and become someone that people can take seriously and depend on.

Not that I'm not dependable now, just that most often, I don't really know how to show it. Nor do people try to be close enough to know it. I've always been someone who wants a close relatedness with my friends/loved ones. I realise sometimes I'm quite alone in this world even though I have great friends, or maybe they're just too busy for me. Haha

I realise human beings are so superficial. They want what they can't have and push away the ones that welcome them with open arms. I've always been guilty of that and for that I'm truly sorry guys.

There was once, a girl that I loved a lot. She was a nice girl with low self esteem but she was so pretty, at least, in my eyes. However, her heart was indecisive. There wasn't a lot of trust from my side because of that and it pressured her a lot. She didn't know her actions hurt and she never tried to understand either. It was a rollarcoaster of emotions towards the end, but I never wanted the time between us to end.

I've moved on, not because I wanted to, but I have to. There wasn't a point speaking to myself anymore. She could hate me for all I care, and she probably does, but I hope that she knew how pretty she was.

Anyway, there's a part of me that thinks I won't be able to make it out of the jungle. It's not that I'm born pessimistic but you  tend to think like this when you have an affinity with random health downfalls. So if I don't, I just have this to say..

To mum & dad,

I know I'm not the best son you could have, I'm practically useless around the house and I don't communicate much with you when I'm on the laptop, which is practically almost all the time. But I appreciate the fact that you are always there for me, even when I find it annoying. Dad, for the last fucking time, stop smoking. And mum, thank you for always being there for me financially and okay, you really do cook awesome.