nostalgia.

WELCOME
to my flimstrip, boulevardofshatteredhopes@bs.

&! HELLO! (:

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

6:40 AM

Hello, to whomever may find this blog or remember it's existence

Tomorrow's the day of enlistment and this would probably be my final post even though I've said that a couple of times before. haha

I'm quite looking forward to life as a baldy actually! I really hope the sergeants there would be as fucked up as everyone described because I want them to mess with my mind so badly that I'll throw this always laughing, smiling, childish exterior behind and become someone that people can take seriously and depend on.

Not that I'm not dependable now, just that most often, I don't really know how to show it. Nor do people try to be close enough to know it. I've always been someone who wants a close relatedness with my friends/loved ones. I realise sometimes I'm quite alone in this world even though I have great friends, or maybe they're just too busy for me. Haha

I realise human beings are so superficial. They want what they can't have and push away the ones that welcome them with open arms. I've always been guilty of that and for that I'm truly sorry guys.

There was once, a girl that I loved a lot. She was a nice girl with low self esteem but she was so pretty, at least, in my eyes. However, her heart was indecisive. There wasn't a lot of trust from my side because of that and it pressured her a lot. She didn't know her actions hurt and she never tried to understand either. It was a rollarcoaster of emotions towards the end, but I never wanted the time between us to end.

I've moved on, not because I wanted to, but I have to. There wasn't a point speaking to myself anymore. She could hate me for all I care, and she probably does, but I hope that she knew how pretty she was.

Anyway, there's a part of me that thinks I won't be able to make it out of the jungle. It's not that I'm born pessimistic but you tend to think like this when you have an affinity with random health downfalls. So if I don't, I just have this to say..

To mum & dad,

I know I'm not the best son you could have, I'm practically useless around the house and I don't communicate much with you when I'm on the laptop, which is practically almost all the time. But I appreciate the fact that you are always there for me, even when I find it annoying. Dad, for the last fucking time, stop smoking. And mum, thank you for always being there for me financially and okay, you really do cook awesome.

Friday, January 27, 2012

1:36 AM

It's been awhile. Hello dead blog. Haha.. It's just you and me now, after almost 9 years. (:

I guess this is the last place I could go to when I think about her. I shouldn't be doing that though, right? Haha. Like c'mon~ a relationship that "never existed".

But let's face it, I could never throw her away like that even if she could. Esp not someone who has meant a lot to me, and forever will actually. And I do miss her. I always did.

It's been so long since we talked. She doesn't want me to and she went through so much extent to do that too.

There's so much stuff I wish I could say and ask. She probably has nothing to say.

I hope she's well though. I really hope so.

Good luck for tomorrow's event eh Ms HK Princess. Haha..

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

8:25 PM

I have to stop listening to sad songs. It's depressing. =/ And they remind me of you. Haha..

Wanna talk to her so badly.

But it'll have to wait.

Please be alright darling.

2:33 PM

All I wanted was to see her face. Haha..

Friday, August 20, 2010

8:49 PM

Man, I really should stop caring so much. It's silly & bothersome to people.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

9:04 PM

Heyy~ I'm back for awhile! This is the reason why I won't close down this place. It's all memories and the only place I can rant anyway. Haha!

Been in a rollercoaster of emotions lately. Really crazy stuff..

I did something wrong. Even though it may seem like a small matter to others, I can't seem to forgive myself after seeing the disappointment in her eyes.

And in her eyes you could also see how she feels about you.

Nothing.

Where's that smile? Haha. The pout that asks for hugs, and the head that couldn't be removed from your shoulders when its exhausted. It's all gone dude.

"Don't touch me", "It's not going to happen ever again". She's even scared when you're near her. What happened?

Like why'd you have to fuckin' like someone so much. Just fucking let her go already! She's not yours, she won't be and she doesn't want to be.

No matter how much you wish she could stay, and how much she could be yours, the fact of the matter is. And in her words..

"It'll never happen".

Thursday, July 01, 2010

8:40 PM

What a jackass.. Seriously. He had the chance of his lifetime but he chose to ruin her's. No one told her not to like him, so she believed she did. And of all the rotten guys in the world too. While me.. haha.. x)

She doesn't understand what it's like to really mean a lot to someone else. I can't blame her and I have no idea how to tell it to her either. Well okay, tried to, but they passed off as cheesy-ness. Haha. =/

To me, love is really it. It's the biggest dream I've ever had since I was young, to care for someone and to make her my wife. xD I don't know about others, but when I'm certain of my feelings, I really am. And I'll take care/love her more than any other guy in the world.

I think about her everyday, on a frequency of like, once in every 3 darn mins. And I'm not joking! :S I try not to say it anymore cuz' I think she doesn't really believe me. My classmates wld know why I'd daze out all of a sudden in lectures, wondering what she's doing and y'know.. smile myself silly at the past. x)

But it's extremely excruciating whenever I think about stuff like that. Cuz whenever I do, I'm reminded of the fact that it's just me, it has always been just me. (: No matter how certain that the girl is the one, I'll never be able to love anyone else without getting hurt in the process.

But what's really demoralising is that time and time again, even though its one-sided, you've nver really got the chance to prove how much you can love someone? Nor will they ever know how much they mean to you.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

12:57 AM

Okay, so there's this kid that wants me to update my blog? So I guess I have no choice, and here goes! Hopefully I will pick up the practice and continue this habit on a regular basis, since well, I'VE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD ANYWAY~! :D

Greg & Dav came over today for another sing along cum gaming session, that's all we do anyway when you put 3 of us in a house. Then we got bored and started watching failblog videos. Had a great laugh as always. I mean, who wouldn't? Laughter always goes along with other people's misery. HAHAHA.

Greg and Dav was leaving for Esplanade to watch greg's friend's friend perform. I was so reluctant to go, since everyone knows its gonna be BO-RING~ But they were like, "Okay laa, stay at home and ROT then!"

SO ANW~ I was in the toilet, and I was sms-ing tung, "the kid". And she was the last straw, and the nxt thing I know it, I was on the way to city hall. ><

The exciting performance @ esplanade~ Too boring to talk about it.

Met our friend there too! But DAMN IT. I can't believe I took this long to find out about her secret. SHE WAS SMOKING! WTFBBQOMG!!

Anyone who knows me well know that I hate smoking as much as ~~I hate Christianity~~ Okay no, I'm an atheist. Sorry about that. ^^

So YEAH! ZZZ. Like when did she pick up the habit? Omg. I can't believe I had no idea, cuz frankly, she always smells nice. LOL. =x

Ah but heck, its their life.

Went off to meet Tung. (: She's always so lively, that girl. >< I feel bad for not being able to catch up at times and appear very cold. =x But you know I'm not like that right! xD! But yeah, met her only for a short while, and went home after that~

Saw this cute cat on the way home and played with it. It's one of those very friendly ones that'll come up to you and start rubbing across your legs. I wonder what happened if it met some big time asshole who mistreat animals. ><

On a lighter note, I REALLY WANT MY CORGI! DARN IT!